


You Don't Have to be Lonely

by Philbumps



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Ushijima Wakatoshi, Cows, Crack Treated Seriously, Farmer Ushijima Wakatoshi, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Ushijima Wakatoshi - Freeform, tendou satori - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29618538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philbumps/pseuds/Philbumps
Summary: Tendou Satori jokingly signed up for Farmersonly.com, a dating site only for farmers. After scrolling through middle-aged farmers, he comes across the love of his life. He forgets about the whole reason for signing up and decides to message the young farmer.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	You Don't Have to be Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work in the fandom so please tell me if there is anything wrong (like OOCness)! I also highly doubt that there is Farmersonly in Japan but shhh, let me dream.

_You don't have to be lonely_

_at Farmersonly.com._

_City folks just don't get it!_

Tendou Satori glanced up from the melted chocolate he was stirring at the TV in the corner of the bakery. He snickered to himself and turned back to look at Semi Eita who was scrubbing a pan that Goshiki burnt cookies on early in the day. 

"Hey, Semisemi, dare me to sign up for Farmersonly.com?" He laughed while he transferred the melted chocolate to a flat pan. 

Semi grunted as he struggled with the pan, "What are you talking about?" After a moment he added, "And don't call me that," 

"Ya know, the dating site? For farmers?" 

Semi looked back at him, "Why should I care about your dating life?" 

"Wow, how rude of you, Semisemi," He was quiet for a second as he smoothed out his chocolate, "Imma do it,"

____

Tendou fell back on his couch after he came home from his shift at the bakery. He lounged back and glanced at his phone; no new messages. As he was going to set his phone beside him, he remembered his dare with Semi to sign up for Farmersonly. He couldn't let Semi down by _not_ doing it, he'd be devastated. 

He opened up the internet on his phone and typed it in. Clicking on the first link, he waited for the website to load. He smirked at himself as he tapped the 'sign up' button. 

_Enter username:_

Now, this he'll have fun with. He couldn't go with just his name, it had to be good enough to attract these lonely farmers. It also couldn't be too _corny_ (get it?) or it'll come off as too much of a joke. Wait, what? Why was he taking this seriously? It's a farming dating site. 

He shook his head at himself and typed, 'Ihaveabigcock'. Because cock are roosters so it's not _that_ weird or sexual. The farmers will understand him. 

Now onto the profile. It didn't take him long to put, 'What if 😳we kissed ❤️in the corn field👉🏻👈🏻,'. The farmers wouldn't understand that, but he didn't care. 

Tendou finished his profile, checking both genders in preferences and set a large age range. He was curious about the people on here so he wanted to see everybody, _everybody_. Once he confirmed his email, he finally began his search for the farmers.There were quite a bit of people that he saw, most middle-aged and posing with their tractors. He screenshotted somebody to show Semi the next day to prove himself. He'll love it. 

He was about the plug in his phone for the night when somebody came into the view on his phone. The man was posed with a cow (at least it wasn't a tractor) and had his hand wrapped around the cow's jaw, holding her close to him. He wasn't in the picture much, only about 2/3rds of him was in the picture. And the 2/3rds were blurry as the camera was focused on the cow. The fucking cow. Despite this, Tendou could tell that his man was attractive. Dark olive skin, green eyes (maybe hazel? it was too blurry to tell), and brown hair with green undertones. 

Tendou smiled at this and looked down at his name. 

_Ushijima Wakatoshi, 24_

It was the first time he actually came by somebody close to his age (only one year older than him) and he was attractive. Tendou has the best of luck. He scrolled down more for his profile.

_My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi and I have a farm with many cows and bulls. I also like plants, bees, and volleyball._

So he was pretty blunt and didn't seem to have too much sense of humor, unlike Tendou who laughed at a pigeon the other day. Maybe he didn't go on the internet often? Does the country even have internet? But Tendou did like volleyball also and he had a succulent months ago before it died so they had the same interests. He will message this glorious man.

After searching through farmer pickup lines, he found the perfect one. 

**(11:38pm) Ihaveabigcock** _**:** i love your dairy air ;)_

While he couldn't see Ushijima's butt, he could tell he got a dump truck. The glimmer in his eyes gave it away. He waited patiently for a reply, and waited, and waited. After ten minutes, Tendou started to get nervous, he could feel his chest going. Farmers go to bed early right and wake up early, right? So he wasn't ignoring Tendou, right? He breathed deeply and headed to bed. He wasn't going to freak out over the cow man, he needed to sleep. 

____

Tendou started to stir early noon; he has insomnia so he woke up late in the day. He turned to his side and grabbed his phone, hoping for a message from Farmersonly. 

**(5:01am) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I'm afraid I don't understand._

 **(5:02am) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Do you like my cow?_

 **(11:55am) Ihaveabigcock:** _while i do like your cow, i was talking about your butt ;)_

 **(11:56am) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _But you can't see my butt in my profile picture?_

This is going to be interesting.

 **(11:57am) Ihaveabigcock:** _Well you should let me see it_

 **(11:57am) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I am sorry. I didn't sign up for sex. I signed up to find a spouse._

Oh, that's pretty straightforward. Most people don't start a conversation with that, definitely not on a dating site. He thought for a moment, he wasn't even sure why he messaged him when he only signed up as a dare. Damn you Semisemi for starting this. 

**(12:00pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _i'_ _ll glady volunteer for that_

 **(12:00pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Thank you._

 **(12:01pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I assume you raise chickens and roosters?_

Chickens? Why would he think th- oh, the username. He bit back a laugh as he read that message. 

**(12:02pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _correct Wakawaka! His name is Satori Jr._

Tendou looked up at the time. Shit, he had to work at 12:30. Semi would kill him if he's late. 

___

"Semisemi~" Tendou sang as he waked up to Semi, "I did it~" 

Semi furrowed his eyebrows, "Did...what?" He asked hesitantly. 

"Don't act so scared. I signed up for Farmersonly!" 

"Of course you did," He rolled his eyes as he began to tie his apron around his waist. 

"And I need your help, " He moved to make eye contact with Semi, "I have to buy a chicken," 

"For?" 

"I met a handsome young farmer on Farmersonly and he thinks I have chickens so I need to at least get one," He spoke quickly. "I'm great with pets," 

Semi sighed, "I will not let you get a chicken, Tendou," 

He was going to reply back when he felt his phone vibrate. He glanced at it and saw the Farmersonly notification. 

**(12:34pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _My family used to have chickens, but they got too much to handle when my dad left us._

Tendou exhaled from his nose as he read it. He definitely is blunt and awkward but that made him want to message him more. It was endearing in a way. 

**(12:35pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _Your dad left? Mine did too! We have so much in common: deadbeat dads, we both like volleyball, and we are farmers!_

 **(12:35pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _You like volleyball? What position were you?_

 **(12:36pm) Ihavebigcock:** _Middle blocker! i was great at blocking anybody. Lemme guess you were a spiker?_

 **(12:37pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Yes, I was. Why did you guess that?_

 **(12:39pm) Ihavebigcock:** _from your profile picture, I can tell you got some nice handsome muscles. ~~Choke me with them~~_

 **(12:39pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Thank you, Tendou. I think your muscles are very nice too._

Tendou glanced down at his arms. He maintained some muscle from high school volleyball but he is still quite lean, definitely compared to Ushijima. Still, his heart fluttered and his face warmed up at the completion. 

"Can you help me frost these cupcakes, Tendou-san?" The new worker, Goshiki asked, holding onto a frosting pipe. 

"Of course my little pupil!"

Ushijima is going to have to wait for his reply. 

____

Tendou left the bakery and pulled his phone out quickly. He had his eight-hour shift to think of a reply to the compliment and yet, his head is blank. He started to type then erase, then type then erase. 

**(8:35pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _ur so romantic, Waka-Chan! maybe we can see each other's muscles in person one day ;)_

 **(8:40pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I would like that, Tendou._

While Tendou wanted to go on a date with Ushijima, he still wanted to wait sometime before. He really wasn't ready to get murdered and become an unsolved case. 

**(8:50pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _i'm so excited my manga set just arrived!_

 **(8:50pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I have never read manga before. What series is it?_

 **(8:51pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _*gasp* i'm sorry, we can't keep talking if you never read manga._

 **(8:52pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Oh, I am sorry._

 **(8:53pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _Waka-Chan i'm joking! But i'm forcing you to go to a bookstore with me so i can show you some!_

 **(8:54pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _I think that'll be fun._

They texted back in forth for about an hour, Tendou having a smile on his face the whole time. Ushijima told him all about his big collection of plants and his vegetable garden that he tends to every morning. Along with that, he sent pictures of his indoor plants, obviously very proud of them. It was probably the most he texted to Tendou the entire time. Tendou was really enjoying texting the farmer. He got this dating profile as a joke but he definitely didn't regret it. 

**(10:03pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Tendou-san, w_ _ould you like to go to a botanical garden with me? I would like to show you the plants there.  
_

Tendou squealed to himself, holding the phone to his chest. It was finally happening. He can finally _actually_ see him and not just in a blurry profile picture. He wondered what his voice sounded like; it's probably deep, at least that's what Tendou hopes. How tall is he? He looks tall from his picture but Tendou is 6'2, so it was possible that he could be taller than Ushijima. Tendou wouldn't hate that but he'd prefer to be shorter. Preferably short enough to shove his face into Ushijima's pecs. More importantly, what does he smell like? Tendou has a sensitive nose, he couldn't deal if he stunk. No matter how handsome he is. 

**(10:05pm) Ihaveabigcock:** _yes! what day? what time?_

 **(10:06pm) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _We can plan that tomorrow. I have to go to bed for seven hours of sleep. Goodnight, Tendou-san._

Of course Ushijima was actually conscious of his health and now he left Tendou high and dry. Though Tendou was pretty happy that he stayed up for a few minutes past his bedtime to talk to him about their date. 

____

 **(5:02am) UshijimaWakatoshi:** _Would you like to go tomorrow at noon and we can have lunch after?_

Tendou read the message over and over just to be sure he got it right. That means he only really has a day to get ready; to get an outfit and to plan what he'll say. He could make him homemade chocolate while he was at the bakery and give it to him but he wondered if that was too much. He didn't go on dates often, he has the tendency to scare people off the first date. He overshared or just said stupid things. And he didn't want to fuck it up this time with Ushijima. 

**(10:56am) Ihaveabigcock:** _that sounds good! should we meet there?_

Once he entered the bakery, he saw Semi right away. "Semisemi~ Guess who has a date?" He said as he clocked in. 

Semi looked over at him, "You?" 

"Yep! That Farmersonly really came through for me," 

"Did you really find some farmer on that site to date?" He asked, stirring through some cake batter. 

"Of course~ We are going to a botanical garden tomorrow!" Tendou grabbed his apron to begin working. 

"Good for you, now start working," Semi smacked his arm with a wooden spoon. 

About an hour into work and thirty minutes obsessing over his date in his head, Tendou began to freak himself out. He's scared he's going to slip up and say something stupid or say a dumb joke that Ushijima won't get. He really wanted to impress him. I mean, they're supposed to get married so this has to go well. Ushijima still thinks he's raising chicken and is also a farmer. What if he hates him for not being one? Is there a prejudice against nonfarmers? 

His hands started to ache as he continued to stir through some batter. He stopped when he felt Semi's hand on his shoulder. 

"How long have you been stirring that?" Semi said, hand tightening on his shoulder. 

"Uhh, a few minutes?" He looked away from his eye contact. 

"Definitely more than that. Goshiki got scared that you broke and grabbed me," 

Tendou glanced over at Goshiki who was obviously trying not to look. He looked back at the batter and sighed, "What if I'm bad at this date? What if he never talks to me again?" 

"I'm sure you'll be fine. Just don't talk too much about your manga series like you do with me," 

Tendou thought for a moment, "Do you think homemade chocolate is too much?" 

"I mean, maybe?" He replied awkwardly, "I'm not good with this stuff," 

"I'm going to do it," He smiled, "Customers love my chocolate! I'm sure Ushijima will also" 

Tendou went back to work for the next few hours, only having to calm himself a few times about the date or else Semi would hit him for a spoon again. Towards the end of the night, when the bakery was nearly closed, he began making some homemade chocolate with extra love. Semi told him not to go too far out but Tendou threw that out the window when he cut the chocolate in the shapes of hearts. He made a few in the cruel shape of bees because Ushijima likes them. And then a few that looked like volleyballs. He hoped he enjoyed them. 

On his way home, he picked up a heart-shaped box to put the chocolates in. At home, he searched through his closet from an outfit. It took him about thirty minutes to find a wrinkly button-up in the back of his closet. He could iron it but he didn't even know if he had an iron and he also didn't think he'd even look good in it. He didn't want to wear anything too fancy, they were going to a botanical garden after all. In the end, he picked out a plain white shirt and some black jeans. He'll put his jean jacket over it to add some spice. 

Now all he has to do is go to bed and wait for tomorrow.

___

Tendou sat in his car, looking at the entrance of the botanical garden. He and Ushijima agreed to meet outside the garden. He waited patiently in his car, the heart box of chocolates on his lap and his AC on max so he doesn't sweat too much. He glanced up at the entrance and saw Ushijima waiting there. He opened the car door quickly, nearly enough to hit the car beside him., and rushed over to him. He held the chocolates under his arms, not wanting him to see them yet. 

When he got close, he realized how much his cow profile picture didn't do him justice. He was handsome with light freckles scattered across his straight nose and hazel eyes were light in the sun. Ushijima was only about an inch taller than him but he had some beefy muscles so he looked much bigger. Tendou stood there, mouth open a little, trying to find the right words to say. 

Ushijima smiled lightly, "Hello, Tendou-san, I'm glad I can meet you. I got you this. It's an aloe humilis, the same type as the one you liked in my bedroom," He showed him a small plant with spikey, thick aloe leaves. "It'll grow the flower like mine later in a while," It really was the same type as the one that Ushijima sent pictures to him and that Tendou really liked.

Tendou smiled brightly as he grabbed it, "Ushijima-san, thank you! I made you these," He handed him the box of chocolates. 

"Thank you," He opened up the box to look at them, "Is that one....?" He gestured to the supposed bee shape one. 

"It's a bee! I know you like them. There's also some volleyballs and hearts," 

"Are they from the bakery you work at?" 

"Kinda, I made it myself," Tendou smiled at him, not able to tear himself from his eyes. 

Once they put the succulent and the chocolates into their cars and then they walked into the garden together. Tendou looked around at the well-maintained plants with colorful flowers. The afternoon sun shined through the greenhouse windows. They could hear a fountain somewhere deeper in the gardens. He looked over at Ushijima. His eyes were currently darted through the plants, they almost looked like they have sparkles in them. Tendou could hear his nose smelling the air deeply. 

"Wow, it's super nice in here. You really know how to woe somebody, Wak-Ushijima-san!" He walked in further, Ushijima close by him. 

"You can call me Waka-chan if you want like you do in the texts,"

Tendou rocked back on his heels, "Okay good cause I think it fits you better," 

They were quiet for a moment, both looking around at the plants. It was a nice silence though as both were intrigued in the garden. Ushijima was the first to speak up, "That reminds me of you," 

Tendou looked over and saw that he was looking at a red tulip. "Oh my god, it really does! Take a picture of me with it, Waka-chan," He crouched down by it and held up a peace sign. 

Ushijima bent down to take the picture, "I'll send it to you," 

"This one reminds me of you!" Tendou pointed to the tall sunflower in the corner. 

"I don't see it," He deadpanned back. 

"Well, it's tall, it's bright, and it's cute," Tendou waved his hands, "Lemme take a picture of you with it," 

The brunet stood by it awkwardly, staring at the camera. "Put up a peace sign, Waka-chan!" 

Ushijima furrowed his eyes and held up a limp peace sign. Tendou shot the picture and quickly sent it to Ushijima, he'll love it. 

"Did you know sunflowers are edible?" Ushijima asked him. 

"I didn't know that, but now I know what we are having for lunch!" 

"They don't taste good,"

They traveled through the botanical gardens, Tendou listening to Ushijima's facts about the plants and flowers that he knew. And he knew a lot. Ushijima was definitely more talkative in person than through texts, though that could just be because he likes plants a lot. He really enjoyed listening to his deep voice talk about his interests. He could tell Ushijima like it as much as him. 

Towards the end, there was a small gardening center with plants and pots for sale. Neither of them expected it but it was a good surprise. 

Tendou walked through the aisles and saw a venus flytrap. "Waka-chan, look at this one! They're so cool!" 

"They are very cool. I've never had one though," Ushijima said, standing close to him. 

"You should get one!" He picked one up and put it in his arms. 

"I think it fits you better," Ushijima handed it back to him. 

"You think so?" He looked closely at it, "You're going to have to help me care for her," 

"Of course, I can put when to water...her...on your calendar," 

"You're so sweet, Waka-chan! I'm going to name her Carnivine. Ya know, after the pokemon?" He held it close to him as if he was hugging it. 

"I never played it," 

"You keep breaking my heart! Next date we are going to look at manga and then play pokemon go together," Tendou watched Ushijima's features when he mentioned a second date. He could see the corners of his mouth lift slightly, which is what he'll call a smile from Ushijima. 

"Sounds like a plan," His smile grew just a bit. 

Tendou had to look away from him or he'd explode. He noticed a red tulip for sale behind him, "Look, Waka, it's me!" He rushed over to the flower followed by the brunet. 

Ushijima picked it up, "It's very nice," He looked at the leaves, "I think I'll get it and name it Tendou-san," 

He replayed that sentence in his head, trying to remember it for years to come. "You're such a flirt!" 

"Thank you," Tendou wanted to burst out laughing when Ushijima said that in such a deadpan way, but his heart was still beating too fast. He's scared that if he laughed, his heart would just stop. 

They paid for their plants up at the front. Ushijima also got some soil for some of his plants back at home. They walked out the front together and they stood in silence. 

"I had a really good time," Tendou said, turning himself to look at Ushijima, "But I wanna say something," 

"Go ahead," 

"It's super stupid but I signed up for Farmersonly as a joke but then I saw you and thought you were really handsome so I messaged you, but I'm not even a farmer and I basically lied to you. I don't know shit about chickens," He spoke quickly, looking down at the concrete ground. 

Ushijima didn't say anything for a moment causing Tendou to start to sweat under his armpits. He finally spoke up, "I'm not upset at you, you don't have to be a farmer," 

He looked up at the man, "Really?" 

"Of course, I still want to see you," Tendou could see a light blush on his cheeks as he looked away, "And I still want to go on another date," 

Tendou smiled widely, "Wakatoshi, I really want to kiss you right now," He said as if he couldn't stop it from coming out. 

Ushijima's eye widened, "Oh, okay," His blush deepened. 

Tendou stepped forward, the tulip that Ushijima held in front of him made it so he couldn't get too close. He leaned in quickly and captured Ushijima's lips. They were soft and a little dry, and Tendou loved them. He could feel the red tulip's petals against his cheek as he tilted his head to the side to deepen the kiss. He could tell that Ushijima didn't have much experience but he loved the kiss nonetheless. He stepped back and let their lips disconnect. Ushijima looked a little faint, with a deep red on his nose and cheeks, and parted glossy lips. 

"Well that was fun," Tendou laughed, breaking the silence. 

"It was really nice, Tendou-san," Ushijima breathed out. 

"So when's our next date going to be?" 

"I can do tomorrow," He replied quickly. 

"Eager, aren't we?" He giggled, " But that sounds good. Lemme get your number, so I can actually text you," 

"Um yeah," He told him his number and Tendou quickly typed it in with the contact name 🌻 _Waka-chan🌻._

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" Tendou asked.

"Yes," 

"Alright, sounds good! Remember I'm forcing you to read manga and play pokemon," Tendou began to slowly walk away until his hand was grabbed by Ushijima. 

"Can we kiss again?" He asked quietly, not fitting his big appearance but Tendou couldn't help but smile at it. 

"Of course," He said and Ushijima pressed his lips against Tendou. It was short and sweet, much more innocent than Tendou's. Still, he loved it and wanted twenty more. 

They said their goodbyes and slowly walked to their own cars. Tendou really didn't want to leave Ushijima but he only had to wait a day to see him again. He got into his car and looked over at his new venus flytrap and aloe hamilis. He couldn't help but smile fondly at his new children. He was tempted to text Ushijima already but he restrained himself. Instead, he pulled up Farmersonly and deleted it. 

He found his farmer.


End file.
